Non-Fiction, Prompt, Uncategorized

Reena’s Exploration Challenge #159

Reena’s Exploration Challenge #159

PROMPT #159

Imagine a slice of your life, or the whole personality framed on the wall. What would you like to see there?

A poem, a quote, a story, a picture or a work of art?

I invite you to write one or more pieces or post a collage you would like to see in the frame.

In the process, I might get to know you better 

As usual, there is no restriction on length or format of the piece. Write a post on your blog, and copy-paste the link in Comments. In case you are using a pingback, do check back to see if it has worked.

Last, but not least, don’t forget to tag the post “Reena’s Exploration Challenge” for easy location in the blog roll.

**********

What I would like to see there and what I do see there are two different things. Just like my bipolar, they are polar opposites.

I would love to see a lovely pastel-colored frame with lots of beautiful flowers to match. There would be a brilliant bright blue sky with a sun to add even more light to the picture.

But that is not what I see in my real picture. My frame is black and the background is dark gray, just a shade off solid black. The flowers are dead, black and brittle causing them to fall crumbling to the ground where they just lie there, not moving. DEAD! There is no life in my picture and that is how I feel right now.

My psychiatrist increased the dosage on my anti-psychotic medication. There has been a little bit of increase in my interest in the world, but not much. Tomorrow, November 1st is NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) and usually I am excited at having a blank sheet of paper and 30 days to create, but that excitement is as dead as my picture above. I don’t give a damn and since changing my bipolar meds would be an awful ordeal and not necessarily successful the psychiatrist is hesitant to start that treatment and I am glad because if I think my life is hell right now, changing meds is five times worse. So for now we will stay with the increase she made and see what happens and see if I get my enjoyment from writing back. It is possible that it is caused by the 6 week hospital stay and the increased anxiety due to the NEW NORMAL. I hate that phrase. I hate that it is a possibility that it might remain the new normal. No one knows where life is headed on this planet and I, as a pessimist, am seeing all of my predictions coming true. My neighbor loves to point that out. Everything you said was going to happen is happening. How did you know that? Well, for one thing I have common sense. I see the idiots around me thinking this is all a joke. It wasn’t hard to predict that things were going to get worse again once they started to reopen everything and the idiots refuse to wear masks. They don’t understand that they or anyone could be carrying it and be asymptomatic. They might understand if they cared enough to listen. My dad had it and it was all because the nursing home he was in was full of asymptomatic carriers. He too, was asymptomatic so thankfully he didn’t suffer with it. It is going through the nursing home again and the same people are testing positive. Surprise another prediction, you can get it more than once. I have been tested four times and thank God so far I haven’t gotten it, but I don’t socialize. I only go out if I absolutely have to and I wear a mask even though it won’t help me if the other person isn’t wearing one. Those masks are only designed to keep your germs to yourself and not protect you from the others around you. I love in a close-knit high rise apartment building with idiots and have to ride the elevators with them. Sometimes I just refuse to get in until the elevator is empty. I am highly susceptible and if I were to get it, would most likely be very sick or even die. I have trouble breathing now. I have diabetes that is running amuck. I am always coughing due to constant bronchitis. For the first time in my 64 years I got a flu shot. I had a terrible temperature after that. I just hope that is all that happens from that. I also got the first pneumonia shot. I don’t believe in vaccines although all my kids are vaccinated since I wanted them to go to school and it was required. My doctors and Medicare are constantly going on about my not having my vaccinations so I got those two, but I still don’t believe it is necessary. I really liked it when they said the flu shot may not prevent the flu since there are so many different kinds. So someone explain to me what is the purpose if it only will work if you get the flu it was designed for???? AND by the way, I have NEVER had the flu. I did have pneumonia within the last 20 to 30 years and that was one time. The case was mild. They tell me now with all my other issues that I would most likely get much sicker this time. So I isolate myself as much as possible.

I see the world as BLACK!!!

Tessa – 

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses

New Author’s Website – http://www.tessadeanauthor.com

Author – Old Writing –  http://www.finallyawriter.com

About my life –  http://www.tessacandoit.com

Author of a book, a work in progress on the blog, https://tessacandoit.com/government-property-a-memoir-as-a-military-wife/

Highlighted chapters are done and ready to be read.

I am also a youtuber in the authortube section on writing. See my videos here:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSpNS-6gfJ0s8eD1berLwQg

5 thoughts on “Reena’s Exploration Challenge #159”

  1. Tessa, I just subscribed to your YouTube channel. For the first time, I’ve come across someone with the resilience to do 6-hour sessions. Curious to know more, so will follow you on other channels.

    May you get well soon! The darkness outside may or may not disappear, but ceases to matter when there is light within. I wish you a glow with inner light, and independence. The external should cease to make a difference.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Reena. And thank you for following me on youtube. I would go longer if there was someone there who was actually still writing. Once there is no more interraction I will either continue for my writing or in case someone from another time zone shows up. People do like the longer streams and the smaller streams mean that they get recognized in chat. The larger ones ignore most people they don’t know. I treat everyone the same. I cohost on other channels and sometimes it is announced and sometimes it is just a last minute thing and there I am subject to their channels rules. Some have strict 2 hour limits, their choice, not the streaming software. I have unlimited streaming time and yes I do pay a small monthly fee for unlimited streaming, but my regulars like it.

      The darkness is hard to live with and right now I am really fighting with whether I want to do NaNoWriMo or not. Wouldn’t be the first one I missed.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Good to see your resilience in keeping up with the schedules. Communities are built on trust that someone is there for you, not on mutual give-and-take as is often assumed.

        Like

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