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I broke my foot a week and a half ago

I was standing there and my ankle twisted under me. My lower half of my body was numb so I didn’t feel it. I fell hitting things on my way down.

I was taken to the hospital and they splinted it and told me to go to orthopedic doctor. I couldn’t walk so they kept me till they could find a rehab hospital. No orthopedic doctor has examined my foot yet and it is still splinted. I am stuck in bed with my bedpan.

This was an important month for my writing and I can’t do anything about it. I will most likely miss the end of NANOWRIMO and the deadline to have book one sent to an editor. I was doing beta reader edits and some rewriting.

I won’t be updating much as using my iPhone is difficult for me, but I didn’t want to just disappear.

Tessa

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Swift Passage…

RIP Sue!

Sue Vincent's Daily Echo

A Guided Visualisation by Sue Vincent…

*

Close your eyes, relax and prepare for an inner journey, breathing deeply and easily.

You stand on a green mound by a sunlit sea. Far below you is a pristine shore of white sand. You hear the echoes as the waves wash gently, rhythmically, against the base of the cliff. The soft, rushing sound of water in the shingle whispers in the clear air of morning.

The sky is a pure blue, the colour of the Lady’s robe. Forget-me-not blue, and at its heart, as in the flower, the golden circle of the sun. The cry of a distant gull touches your heart with an unfathomable yearning, yet you are here, now, in this time and in this place. There is no other thought in your mind, only here, only this moment.

You close your eyes and with sight absent, other senses seem…

View original post 1,191 more words

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I just found an old article I wrote about my Bipolar Disorder and suicide attempt. It is a letter to my children.

The site is no longer operational, but the web pages are still there, archived. Here is my letter to my children!

Tessa – 

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses

New Author’s Website –http://www.tessadeanauthor.com

Author – Old Writing –  http://www.finallyawriter.com

About my life –  http://www.tessacandoit.com

Author of a book published on the blog, https://tessacandoit.com/government-property-a-memoir-as-a-military-wife/

I am also a youtuber in the authortube section on writing. See my videos here:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSpNS-6gfJ0s8eD1berLwQg

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Here is chapter 8 of memoir “Government Property – A Memoir of a Military Wife”

Here is the link to the rest of the memoir. Parts 1-7 are already posted.

Chapter Eight

Wall of Fire

The smoke wafting down the hallway was not a nightmare; this was my worst nightmare come true. FIRE!! Real live burning fire, and I was trapped inside with some of my friends. Nothing in my life had prepared me for this.

            I was so terrified of fire as a child that I could not watch anything that may contain a fire. I was sent out of the room when the news was on TV because there were always fires. The film “Towering Inferno” debuted in the theaters when I was a teenager, but I was forbidden to join my friends when they went. My fear of fire was a real phobia.

            I would wake up screaming from the nightmares as a small child. I could not articulate to my parents at that time precisely what was wrong. I told them I was seeing my bedroom walls burning, and I couldn’t get out. My parents were mystified. Nothing of a traumatic nature had happened to me as a small child with fire.

We believed in reincarnation, and when I tried past life regression, it showed that I had died in a fire in a previous life. Considering how it affected me, I would think it was my very last life before this one.

            As an adult, the fears did not dissolve, but they lessened in severity. I started to watch tv, movies, and the long-awaited “Towering Inferno.”

            On one of our trips back to North Carolina during my husband’s military years, we ran into a real fire. The house was right on the highway. They were slowly letting one car at a time pass so they could keep the traffic moving.

            Here I was confronted with my first real fire. We had to wait our turn to drive past the area, and I was traumatized for several days with nightmares. It brought back my childhood fears.

            Not too long after that trip, where we witnessed the fire on the side of the road, I had gotten a job at the Officer’s Club on the base. It was a 3-floor building with a basement that had restrooms in it, which we sometimes utilized.

            I was working in the kitchen one day when I heard the shrieking of the fire alarm. I was looking for it in one of the dining rooms near me, and someone else came running down the hall looking for it too. We couldn’t find it, but the smell of smoke was coming down the hallway towards the kitchen by now. We gave up looking for the alarm as it became desperately real since we could see the smoke. We ran to the kitchen to gather everyone up and see how we could exit the building from the back, which faced an area full of trees and a tiny path.

            Talk about being close, and this was the closest yet. I was panicking, and the person who had taken charge urged me on as my panic stopped me in my steps. I was paralyzed with fear and couldn’t move. He pulled me with him, and we headed to another dining room away from the smoke that was now filling the kitchen. The doors were locked as they always were when the room was not in use, and more people began to panic. Finally, someone picked up a chair and threw it through one of the picture windows in the dining room at the back of the building. Others followed suit.

            We started hurrying out of the building towards the path behind the building. It was the only way we could go. It ran alongside the back of the building. The fire had cut off the front, so this was the only way to go.

            We ran along the small path covering our heads with our hands as the windows were exploding overhead, raining down fire and glass on us. We started choking on the smoke. I was petrified, but the others urged me on. The building was long, and that was the longest but fastest run I had ever made. The beast of the fire was on our tails.

            We finally came out to the front of the building and stared at the fire as it reached further and further. A real-life burning fire to bring out my fears again. It brought it all back. I was choking on the smoke, and now I understand how people die from smoke inhalation.

            We all got out, thank God! No one got hurt except for smoke inhalation. One of the secretaries came out with a box saying that she had grabbed payroll so we could get paid. She was in an area that wasn’t as affected as those of us in the kitchen. They all came out the front of the building where the fire hadn’t touched as much.

            I went through a grueling interrogation by Naval Intelligence, along with everyone else. The investigation took several days, and I had to drag my two babies with me as I had no one to watch them. I walked with the babies in the stroller. I didn’t know it when I went out of work to give birth, but I was entitled to Unemployment Insurance. It was enough to buy a twin-size stroller, so I could push my two children together as they were both under two years old.

The officers wanted their club back, and so they reopened the building three days later as the upstairs was damaged, but most of the main floor and the basement restrooms were still usable. The building smelled of smoke still. I tried hard to forget the fire, but it was impossible to forget with the awful stench. I had horrible nightmares. I had sunk back to my childhood fears. I was terrified to go downstairs to the restrooms in case of another fire. We would be trapped down there.

            That fire was not a mistake. A disgruntled employee set that fire on purpose in a small office right near the restrooms that I had just exited. That was just way too close for me.

            I still panic whenever there is a fire drill or when the alarm goes off unexpectedly. Most new jobs would have a fire drill not long after my arrival, and several of my workplaces have had fires and have burnt down over the years. They seem drawn to me.

Within a few months after that fire, I quit working there. It was just a few months until Andy’s enlistment was up anyhow, so I left at that point. I couldn’t stand working in a building that smelled of smoke and put me in a possibly dangerous position of having to use the below-ground restrooms and taking the chance of getting caught down there if a fire happened again. I was still suffering the effects of having been in that first fire. The nightmares were haunting me terribly. It took several weeks for the dreams to start to ease at all. Now they would probably say that I had PTSD from the situation. After that, I took up babysitting until his enlistment was over. We still had to decide whether he was going to re-enlist.

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Here is chapter 7 of my memoir “Government Property – A Memoir of a Military Wife

Here is the link to the whole memoir. Parts 1-6 are already posted.

Chapter Seven

Officer’s Club Part-Time

Andy decided that I needed to get a job. He wanted several things, and so we needed another income. Now I was an enlisted man’s wife, but the opening was in the Officer’s Club. I took it as a waitress. I had never been a waitress before, but my customer service skills were exceptional, although my memory and clumsiness were not helpful. Luckily only one man got a bowl of hot soup in his lap.

Officers think they are better than anyone else. Enlisted personnel and, of course, their spouses were treated as if we were not even humans by many of them. I don’t want to paint them all that way, but a lot of them were awful. They didn’t believe in tipping, but we only made less than $2.00 per hour and needed those tips. The club put up signs, but it didn’t help. And heaven forbid we showed any disrespect towards them, although they could disrespect us. That is one thing that made me the maddest. They were no better than my enlisted husband or me, but they could treat us like dirt. I know that is the way of the military, but it isn’t right.

I had been working there for some time when I became pregnant with child number two. We had to wear white waitress tops, but I quickly grew out of mine. I had to find a white shirt like what the waitresses were wearing but was large enough to conceal my pregnant belly comfortably. I continued waitressing until the doctor said I had to get off my feet. By this time, my belly was so big that I could support the tray on it. After some negotiating, they decided that I could take on a hostess’s duties and sit while I wasn’t seating customers. The doctor approved this, and there was no time limit as to when I had to leave. That is why I was coming home from work the day I went into labor. I was also allowed to wear regular business casual maternity wear, rather than my waitress outfit. 

The more pregnant I became, the harder it was for me to find a comfortable spot at work to rest between incoming customers. We weren’t allowed to sit down in front of the customers, but they had to give me special dispensation since I was pregnant. They had put out a stool as the doctor ordered, but the constant up and down was rough, and my feet were beginning to bother me as well.

People made snide remarks about me working and being so pregnant. Some complained that I was taking a job from someone else who wasn’t pregnant. Some people can be so ignorant. I must remember this was 40 years ago or so, and thinking was different.

We only had one car, so that meant I would get up early and take Andy to work in the morning. I would do what I had to do during the day, doctor’s appointments and shopping, etc. Then I left in enough time to pick him up, and he would then drop me off and take our oldest daughter and take care of her until I returned later that night. Or if I didn’t have a ride, he would pack her up and come pick me up.

One of my coworkers saw what was happening, and since we usually worked together, she offered to take me home, eliminating one of the trips on the days I worked. I wish we could have afforded another car, but since in the end he had to drive a U-Haul and, I the car, on our final trip back to New Jersey, it was just as well we only had one.

One of the rules they enforced was that everyone had to work every Tuesday because it was Mongolian Night, and it was packed. The penalty for missing that shift without an excellent reason was termination from the job. On this one Tuesday, I had a significant allergic reaction to a drug given to me at the base hospital the night before. My face was swollen and looked horrid, and I couldn’t see with my eyes swollen shut. Plus, my fingers and toes were so swollen it was like being a duck as they touched each other. I couldn’t lift things so, if I didn’t scare them away, I wouldn’t have been able to serve them anyhow. I had to go in and show them what I looked like so they would excuse me. I also couldn’t wear shoes, so I showed up there barefoot to show them exactly what the allergy had done to me. They had no choice but to excuse me without penalty.

Now this base was an air station. There was a runway on the airstrip that we had to cross over to get to the Officer’s Club. When the aircraft was going over, traffic must stop. This way, no one was on the runway if a plane were to crash or veer off. One day I pulled up to the stop sign, stopped, and made sure I was clear to go, and then took off across the open area of the landing field. I was almost nine months pregnant and could barely fit behind the wheel of my car. A car came roaring after me and ran me off the road. I was on my way to work and afraid I was going to be late. Not to mention that I was terrified and worried about my baby, as well. This person driving the car was a nut. It had to be.

I sat there shaking, trying to get myself together. The car was still behind me. Finally, he got out of his car and came up and knocked on my window. I didn’t know what to do but finally rolled it down a little bit.

He started screaming at me for going across the airway stretch of road. I told him there was nothing in the air, and we didn’t have to stop if there was no flashing light, although I always checked just to make sure. He told me that it didn’t matter, and he was going to report this. He went back to his car.

I drove to work before I was any later and called my husband. Finally, I calmed down and got to work before I got in trouble.

The next day the military police (MPs) appeared at my door. They told me that they had a ticket for me because the man following me had been an officer, and he was, if I remember correctly, affiliated with the MPs. I looked at the ticket, picked up the phone, called my husband, and told him what was going on. He told me not to do anything, and he would be right there.

He got there and took the ticket. The MP’s didn’t know what to do, and they were contacting their commanding officer. By now, Andy said, “Do not sign it!” The ticket was chock full of mistakes, and the whole thing was ridiculous. Since an officer filed the complaint and I was only the wife of an enlisted man, I was expected to comply and not even say anything in my defense. So, I refused to sign it, and those two MPs are telling their commanding officer (CO) that I had refused to sign. Their commanding officer finally told them to leave it and come back to their office. There was a court date on it, plus the officer’s name.

I remembered the man’s name and watched for him at the Officer’s Club. He did come in one day, and I didn’t say anything, but I wanted nothing to do with him. He didn’t remember me, or I am sure he would have said something.

I had gone to the court date and told my side of it. I was right anyhow, but this guy was new to the base and didn’t know any better. The judge told me to be careful, and since the officer didn’t bother to show up, they threw the whole thing out of court. All of this happened while I was about to have my baby. It’s a wonder that the situation hadn’t brought on my labor.

I went back to work after daughter number two had arrived. So, I was waitressing again. We had two children now, and our best friends, Charlie and Kim, ended up babysitting for us. Both of our children were attached to them. Charlie and Kim wanted children so badly, and they took great care of our children. A few times, we threatened to drop them off during the night when they wouldn’t sleep, and they both told us if we did, we wouldn’t get them back.

#threethingschallenge, Fiction, Prompt, Uncategorized

Three Things Challenge 491

Three Things Challenge 491

Pensitivity101 Rules:

Welcome to The Three Things Challenge.
Below are three things that may, or may not, be related. Simply read the prompt and see where your creativity takes you.
You can use one, two or all three words in your post, there are no restrictions regarding length, style, or genre apart from keeping it family friendly.
You can use 3TC, #threethingschallenge or TTC as a tag and my logo if you wish.
Invite us along by creating a pingback to this post, then leave your link in the comments so that other people can read your writings and I’ll see it to respond to you directly. You might like to check out some of the other contributions while you’re there.

I schedule the challenge to go out around 6.30 am UK time, but pingbacks have to be approved manually so might not show immediately. This could be because I’m late accessing my blog or due to time differences, but I will get there, I promise!
I look forward to reading your responses, and as always thank you all for your continued support.

Your three words are:

CRESCENT
WORLD
BATHED

**********

The Birthday Party Part 16 (Part 1Part 2Part 3Part 4Part 5Part 6Part 7Part 8Part 9Part 10Part 11Part 12Part 13Part 14, Part 15)

By Tessa Dean January 2021

Ginny was freshly bathed after a swim in the lake. She sat on the porch with Thomas and they talked about world affairs. They didn’t always agree on politics and church policies, just like any couple, but usually they could have a conversation that was friendly. They disagreed about the current political unrest and other current events and usually ended up just agreeing to disagree and not fight about it.

One of the their biggest items though was their religions. They had begun making plans for their wedding despite it being years off and her mother not even knowing they were engaged yet. They liked to make plans and see what they absolutely agreed upon and what they didn’t and figure out what they were going to do about it. The hardest challenge so far has been what church they will be married in. Ginny didn’t really go to church so to her it didn’t matter too much, but Thomas was Catholic and therefore since she wasn’t, they had been told that they couldn’t be married in his church which was a Catholic Church. This bothered him a lot.

***

“Please pass the crescent rolls, Thomas,” Mr. Banks asked, puzzled as to why they weren’t saying much. Usually they were excitely talking about their wedding plans.

“Mom and Dad, Ginny and I have a problem with our wedding plans. It is kind of a big problem for me anyhow.” Thomas spoke very seriously and both parents knew something was up.

“What is it son?” Mrs. Banks looked from Thomas to Ginny, who was just as serious as he was.

“We’re Catholic and I want to get married in our church. I have gone there ever since I was a baby and this is important to me, but I have been told that since Ginny is not Catholic we can’t be married there.”

“Well son that is not true. You can still be married in the Catholic church, but there are some things to consider and you two need to work this out before signing anything and going through the church required programs. You Thomas, have to state that you will remain a Catholic despite what you spouse does. Your children do not have to be raised Catholic although you must promise to try and raise your children as Catholic and you must respect Ginny and her faith, whatever it might be. If you can work these things out there is no reason that you can’t be married in our church.”

Thomas looked surprised. “Are you sure dad? That wasn’t what I had heard.”

“Look it might not be easy and I don’t know Ginny’s faith or if she even believes in God, but you can still get married in the Catholic church and you don’t have to raise the children to be Catholic if Ginny is against it and you can abide by her wishes.”

Everyone turned to look at Ginny. “I don’t go to church anymore, but as a child I went to the local Methodist church with my Mom. My Dad didn’t go to church. I don’t know how I feel about God right now, but I have no problem raising our children as Catholic if that is your desire, Thomas.”

“There is one other thing. True Catholics don’t believe in birth control which is one reason why we have 12 children. If you aren’t planning on children or on just having a few you might want to consider this.”

Thomas said, “Ginny and I had a discussion and we left it at we would compromise and have 6 children. Ginny only wanted two and I wanted 12 like our family. She finally agreed on six, but I know that is not her true wish. We would have to use some sort of birth control most likely. Even if it is just watching the calendar and not having sex as often as we might want. I know they don’t believe in birth control pills, diaphragms etc.”

Ginny looked exasperated at the current conversation. “I don’t want to come between you and your faith and since I do love you I will abide by the Catholic rules and just hope we don’t end up with 12 or more children. Ok, this is a delicate subject. Thomas and I are still virgins, but we are almost 20 years old and our relationship is growing closer. What do we do about not having children before we are ready. Since we aren’t married yet, can I use my birth control pills still. I am on them just in case because I expect to need them shortly. My feelings for Thomas are growing despite our desire to wait until after school to get married. Actually I have been having second thoughts on about waiting until I finish school. I love Thomas and your family and want to start having a family sooner than 5 years from now.”

“You mean that you are willing to get married even sooner, Ginny?” Thomas was grinning ear to ear.

“Yes, Thomas, I would like to start planning our wedding for real and for let’s say in another year, two at the most.”

“I am so happy to hear this. What do you think Mom and Dad?”

“Well you two are almost 20 and I think a year or two is a good time to get married. You need about a year to properly plan a wedding so that is a good time frame.” Mrs. Banks smiled at the two of them. “I think there is someone you need to tell right away though. Your Mom needs to know what is going on Ginny and will she be well enough to help you plan the wedding or do you need my help? I don’t want to offend her.”

“I will ask her Mrs. Banks. I think she will be happy for the help because I know it is hard for her to do a lot of things, but I am sure she will want to be involved. I know she likes Thomas so that shouldn’t be a problem. I am sure she will give her blessing.”

Thomas and Ginny grabbed hold of each other’s hands and started whispering. They left the dinner table to start making plans for real now.

**********

Tessa – 

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses

New Author’s Website –http://www.tessadeanauthor.com

Author – Old Writing –  http://www.finallyawriter.com

About my life –  http://www.tessacandoit.com

Author of a book, a work in progress on the blog, https://tessacandoit.com/government-property-a-memoir-as-a-military-wife/

Highlighted chapters are done and ready to be read.

I am also a youtuber in the authortube section on writing. See my videos here:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSpNS-6gfJ0s8eD1berLwQg

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First Line Friday: January 15th, 2021

It is First Line Friday! Welcome and let’s get writing.

Below, I give you the first line, and you all get to write the rest. This prompt alternates with Jim’s Music Prompts, so make sure to check back next Friday for some musical inspiration.

I’ll provide the first line, you get to write whatever comes afterward. Length, genre, and structure are completely up to you. Feel free to modify the line as you see fit, adding punctuation, quotes, or other bits if so desired. No need to tie it to the picture, unless you want to.

Or for more of a challenge, change nothing. You have a week to write it, enjoy!

Include the first line of course! Tag it Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie, First Line Fridays, and short fiction. Create a link (ping-back) to this post and add your link to Mister Linky below.

Your line for this week is:

Gigi assembled her planners, her calendars, her pens, pouches, and post-its before her on the desk and stood over them like a general surveying maps. “Now all I need to do is find a place for all this stuff. I am tired of it all piled up all over the desk. I have two staplers and three rolls of tape. I have to stop buying things I can’t find. Everything needs a home,” said to her husband.

She separated everything into piles, like with like and what needs to go together when used. She decided how to store every item and went to the container store to get the appropriate containers to hold everything so it was all neat and tidy.

Now all she needs is an idea to start writing her new book about. Her space is neat and tidy and her mind is blank.

Tessa – 

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses

New Author’s Website –http://www.tessadeanauthor.com

Author – Old Writing –  http://www.finallyawriter.com

About my life –  http://www.tessacandoit.com

Author of a book, a work in progress on the blog, https://tessacandoit.com/government-property-a-memoir-as-a-military-wife/

Highlighted chapters are done and ready to be read.

I am also a youtuber in the authortube section on writing. See my videos here:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSpNS-6gfJ0s8eD1berLwQg

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Saturday Six Word Story Prompt (6WSP) #72 – January 9, 2021

Prompt for Week #72 (Jan 9, 2021 – Jan 15, 2021)

Balloon

Tears streaming, balloon disappears above trees.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is 20190830_001439_0000.png

Shweta Suresh says:

Welcome to Week #72 of the Saturday Six Word Story Prompt. Click here to read the guidelines for the Saturday Six Word Story Prompt series.

Prompt for Week #72 (Jan 9, 2021 – Jan 15, 2021)

Balloon

Click here for the 6WSP image.

I will do a roundup post each Friday. So please be sure to participate before time runs out!

Have fun! Thank you for participating. Until next week, folks!

P.S: If you have any doubts/suggestions, please don’t hesitate to reach out.

The comments section is all yours!

P.P.S: Use the tag 6WSP and don’t forget to pingback to this post!

Tessa – 

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses

New Author’s Website –http://www.tessadeanauthor.com

Author – Old Writing –  http://www.finallyawriter.com

About my life –  http://www.tessacandoit.com

Author of a book, a work in progress on the blog, https://tessacandoit.com/government-property-a-memoir-as-a-military-wife/

Highlighted chapters are done and ready to be read.

I am also a youtuber in the authortube section on writing. See my videos here:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSpNS-6gfJ0s8eD1berLwQg

Uncategorized

Saturday Six Word Story Prompt (6WSP) #72 – January 9, 2021

Prompt for Week #72 (Jan 9, 2021 – Jan 15, 2021)

Balloon

Tears streaming, balloon disappears above trees.

Shweta Suresh says:

Welcome to Week #72 of the Saturday Six Word Story Prompt. Click here to read the guidelines for the Saturday Six Word Story Prompt series.

Prompt for Week #72 (Jan 9, 2021 – Jan 15, 2021)

Balloon

Click here for the 6WSP image.

I will do a roundup post each Friday. So please be sure to participate before time runs out!

Have fun! Thank you for participating. Until next week, folks!

P.S: If you have any doubts/suggestions, please don’t hesitate to reach out.

The comments section is all yours!

P.P.S: Use the tag 6WSP and don’t forget to pingback to this post!

Tessa – 

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses

New Author’s Website –http://www.tessadeanauthor.com

Author – Old Writing –  http://www.finallyawriter.com

About my life –  http://www.tessacandoit.com

Author of a book, a work in progress on the blog, https://tessacandoit.com/government-property-a-memoir-as-a-military-wife/

Highlighted chapters are done and ready to be read.

I am also a youtuber in the authortube section on writing. See my videos here:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSpNS-6gfJ0s8eD1berLwQg

Non-Fiction, Photo Prompt, Prompt, Uncategorized

8 JANUARY 2021 Friday Fictioneers

8 JANUARY 2021 Friday Fictioneers

PHOTO PROMPT @ Jan Wayne Fields

**********

Neatness is not My Forte

by Tessa Dean January 2021

“Terri where’s the electric bill?” Andy shouted from the other room.

Oh no he’s at my desk, I ran, yelling, “In the pile of bills to be paid, where else would it be?”

“And which of these mountainous piles would that be?” I had to stop him.

“Give me a second, I know exactly where it is, just don’t mess with my piles. The last time you did I couldn’t find anything for a week.”

I picked up the electric bill and handed it to him. I don’t know what he needed it for, since I pay all the bills.

**********100 words**********

Tessa – 

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses

New Author’s Website –http://www.tessadeanauthor.com

Author – Old Writing –  http://www.finallyawriter.com

About my life –  http://www.tessacandoit.com

Author of a book, a work in progress on the blog, https://tessacandoit.com/government-property-a-memoir-as-a-military-wife/

Highlighted chapters are done and ready to be read.

I am also a youtuber in the authortube section on writing. See my videos here:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSpNS-6gfJ0s8eD1berLwQg

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